Job Opening – Grand Cenobite – Must be willing to travel

Crossing the flavor and backstory of Magic with the tournament scene sometimes generates curious images and ideas.

Spare a moment of consideration for Elesh Norn, who surely must be the busiest Phyrexian in the multiverse.

In a game of Magic, when we cast a typical creature, we’re grabbing one example of that kind of creature out of the multiverse, yanking them to the battlefield where two dimension-hopping mages are fighting, and then dropping them back off afterward, if they survive. So I kidnap some random elf from the Llanowar Forest, he faces some undying eldritch terror while using his nature magic to accelerate out some weird ghost he’s never seen before, and then dies horribly.

Fair enough (well, except for the elf).

But when I cast Elesh Norn, that’s not a¬†Grand Cenobite, that’s the¬†Grand Cenobite, the one and only Elesh Norn.

Over and over again, in GPs, Open Series events, and PTQs.

I have to imagine some poor, bewildered Phyrexian church functionary standing in Norn’s inner sanctum, trying to check in on the news of the day.

“So first…”


“I’ll wait.”


“Okay, you’re back. So first…”


“I’ll wait.”

Being Legendary and a popular tournament card seems like the closest thing to a distributed denial of service attack that the Magic multiverse can offer.

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